Even though this blog is linked to it, I feel the need to preserve this piece of wisdom in some small way. This is one of the most hilarious internet things I've ever seen, and it would be a shame if it was lost to the ever-changing dynamics of the web.
World Religions Simplified
Taoism = Shit happens.
Confucianism = Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism = If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen = What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism = This shit happened before.
Islam = If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Sunni = If we do shit to Shiites, it is the will of Allah.
Shiite = If we do shit to Sunnis, it is the will of Allah.
Judaism = Why does shit always happen to us?
Christianity = Christ died for your shit.
Protestantism = Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism = If shit happens, you deserved it.
Evangelicalism = Shit happens—praise the Lord!
Jehovah's Witneses = The end of shit happening is near.
Christian Science = Read about shit happening.
Televangelism = Send money or shit will happen to you.
Mormonism = Shit happens to Gentiles.
Scientology = Engrams happen.
Animisim = Spirits make shit happen.
New Age = Visualize no shit happening.
Rastafarian = Smoke that shit.
Humanism = People allow shit to happen.
Atheism = There is no such thing as shit.
Agnosticism = Maybe shit happens...maybe not.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
That sucked.
Yeah, I'm talking about DWTS final Three. I loved Joel McHale's (The Soup) take on it! "In the most sexually charged moment in the show's history, we watched as Brandy got fucked." Bleeped of course, but there's no doubt what he said. I bout fell outta my chair!
In other news, a guy shot his tv after Bristol was moved into the finals, and some idiot sent an envelope containing white powder to the DWTS set. The DWTS producers must be dancing all the way to the bank!
So what is going on here? There's conspiracy theory, and I'm inclined to believe it. Look at other seasons that kept really bad dancers for way longer than we should have had to watch them. I look at polls on various gossip sites and what have you, and everyone seems to be for the better dancers. And yet, we are forced to watch a mediocre dancer in the finals over someone who had real talent. We miss out on the final routines we were looking forward to, and now must watch what we know will not be worth watching.
Many state that it's not a conspiracy. They say Bristol simply has a following in the fan base that relates to her and her tribulations. Shy girl with no performing talent or experience, teen pregnancy. Maybe. Kelly Osbourne went this far on the same premise (except for the preggers part), and she and Bristol are about equal for talent. No, I take that back. Kelly grew into a real performer, and she had an appealing personality.
So how would a conspiracy go down? Easy. There's email lists, Facebook, Twitter, etc, and they can all connect with each other. A wide spread campaign to overload the voting system would not be hard to pull off. Maks mentioned it in one of his comments. People who wanted to vote, couldn't. Phone lines and internet polls were jammed, software glitches denied votes, voters cheated by using multiple email addys. Easy.
Was it about Sarah Palin and/or politics? Maybe. She was certainly stumping pretty hard for her cub. The current political scene is certainly charged on both sides.
The judges were partly to blame. They gave Bristol better scores than she deserved. I guess they try to boost the confidence of someone like this. They did it with Kelly, too. They've been more ruthless in the past, it's time to take off the kid gloves again. BTW, one of the judges (Carrie Ann?) begged Brandy & Maks to come back and do their Free Style routine. Don't know how they'd work that in. Maybe in the finale when all the stars come back for an encore. I hope they do. We who watch the show for dance wanted to see it.
The question of how all this will affect the show came up. Will celebrities want to go on it when they know that the system can be skewed so badly? Viewers will suffer more and more lesser "stars" instead of the favorites we want to see. I can see the producers scarfing up all this publicity and looking to see where they can generate it again in future casting. The show will become more about controversy than dancing, and it will not be pretty.
I wonder when the next season of So You Think You Can Dance begins? I need an honest dance competition to cleanse my palette. Hey! Idea! What about an honest, no celebrities, ballroom competition ala SYTYCD? Show us real people learning ballroom. No fan base, no politics, just honest voting for the best dancers.
I'll mention the nonsense that is Skating With The Stars. Nope, not watching. I watched a little the last time they tried it, but it was dumb. I knew a few of the names back then and even fewer now. It was a flop then and it will be again. Give it up. You can't ride on the success of DWTS, and unlike dancing, skating is not something just anybody can do.
Can I also mention the absurdity that is the PSA for abstinence, safe sex, and teen pregnancy? Bristol and the Situation talking abstinence and condoms? Really??? Who came up with this ridiculous thing? Who wrote the script? Who thought this was a good idea?
I won't shoot my tv if Bristol wins (oh please god forbid!), but I sure won't be happy. I'm resigned to the fact that one of my favorite shows has become a parody of itself.
Good morning.
In other news, a guy shot his tv after Bristol was moved into the finals, and some idiot sent an envelope containing white powder to the DWTS set. The DWTS producers must be dancing all the way to the bank!
So what is going on here? There's conspiracy theory, and I'm inclined to believe it. Look at other seasons that kept really bad dancers for way longer than we should have had to watch them. I look at polls on various gossip sites and what have you, and everyone seems to be for the better dancers. And yet, we are forced to watch a mediocre dancer in the finals over someone who had real talent. We miss out on the final routines we were looking forward to, and now must watch what we know will not be worth watching.
Many state that it's not a conspiracy. They say Bristol simply has a following in the fan base that relates to her and her tribulations. Shy girl with no performing talent or experience, teen pregnancy. Maybe. Kelly Osbourne went this far on the same premise (except for the preggers part), and she and Bristol are about equal for talent. No, I take that back. Kelly grew into a real performer, and she had an appealing personality.
So how would a conspiracy go down? Easy. There's email lists, Facebook, Twitter, etc, and they can all connect with each other. A wide spread campaign to overload the voting system would not be hard to pull off. Maks mentioned it in one of his comments. People who wanted to vote, couldn't. Phone lines and internet polls were jammed, software glitches denied votes, voters cheated by using multiple email addys. Easy.
Was it about Sarah Palin and/or politics? Maybe. She was certainly stumping pretty hard for her cub. The current political scene is certainly charged on both sides.
The judges were partly to blame. They gave Bristol better scores than she deserved. I guess they try to boost the confidence of someone like this. They did it with Kelly, too. They've been more ruthless in the past, it's time to take off the kid gloves again. BTW, one of the judges (Carrie Ann?) begged Brandy & Maks to come back and do their Free Style routine. Don't know how they'd work that in. Maybe in the finale when all the stars come back for an encore. I hope they do. We who watch the show for dance wanted to see it.
The question of how all this will affect the show came up. Will celebrities want to go on it when they know that the system can be skewed so badly? Viewers will suffer more and more lesser "stars" instead of the favorites we want to see. I can see the producers scarfing up all this publicity and looking to see where they can generate it again in future casting. The show will become more about controversy than dancing, and it will not be pretty.
I wonder when the next season of So You Think You Can Dance begins? I need an honest dance competition to cleanse my palette. Hey! Idea! What about an honest, no celebrities, ballroom competition ala SYTYCD? Show us real people learning ballroom. No fan base, no politics, just honest voting for the best dancers.
I'll mention the nonsense that is Skating With The Stars. Nope, not watching. I watched a little the last time they tried it, but it was dumb. I knew a few of the names back then and even fewer now. It was a flop then and it will be again. Give it up. You can't ride on the success of DWTS, and unlike dancing, skating is not something just anybody can do.
Can I also mention the absurdity that is the PSA for abstinence, safe sex, and teen pregnancy? Bristol and the Situation talking abstinence and condoms? Really??? Who came up with this ridiculous thing? Who wrote the script? Who thought this was a good idea?
I won't shoot my tv if Bristol wins (oh please god forbid!), but I sure won't be happy. I'm resigned to the fact that one of my favorite shows has become a parody of itself.
Good morning.
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